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Everybody Poops My Edition

Joined
Jul 29, 2020
Messages
88
I was inspired by this great storytelling and figured I would share my own, not as well written story.

A few years ago my buddy Tom and I took an ice fishing trip to Presqueisle Isle Bay on Lake Erie. Our customary ritual on any fishing trip is to get the cheapest rat infested hotel we can find, with an even more rat infested bar within walking distance. On this particular trip we were largely successful getting that done and by 9:00 PM we were sitting in a bar figuring out which local craft brews we were gonna punish ourselves with.

We finally get our beers, and if you know Tom, he is a chicken wing fanatic, and he was already checking out the wing flavors . I usually go along with it and we each get a dozen split into two different flavors, then we trade a few of each so we can each try 4 flavors. At this point I’m starving since I have not eaten since that bowl of rice crispies early in the morning. Tom says, “you wanna get a dozen of the hottest wing they have?” This was unexpected, but not wanting to be referred to as another word for feline the whole next day I said in the manliest tone I could muster “definitely.”

The wings named inferno or nuclear or devils breath or something like that finally show up. My eyes watered just catching a whiff of them. Tom starts laughing and holds up a wing, “cheers” he says so I grab one and bump his wing. We both chow in. It felt worse than fire. After 3 or 4 wings with about 4 beers trying to wash out the taste I gave up. Tom munched down 6 or 7 and even with his iron gut I could tell he was suffering.

Fast forward to next morning and we scramble to get out of the rat hole and down to Misery Bay before it gets too crowded with ice fishermen. Soon as we pull in the parking lot Tom’s face gets beet red. Dude I gotta poop. He runs through the foot deep snow back in the jingweeds and I’m laughing the whole time. He gets back and says “man that burnt so bad coming out I had to dip my butt in the snow for a minute after wiping”

After he recovered a bit we started walking out on the ice. If you’re an ice fisherman like us you know the gear all barely fits in the bed of a full size pickup. Dragging an ice shanty loaded with all that heavy stuff shook something loose inside. The hot face feeling. The noises emanating from the guts you pray will go away. Finally that stinging sensation behind that says something needs to greet the world immediately and that the next 15 minutes of my life is gonna suck real bad.

I look at the shore to make a break for the jingweeds. 300 yards to shore plus gotta get outta sight of all the people around. No way Jose. Never make it. Oh no I’m gonna poop my pants. Just then a bright idea. With the determination only a man in this situation can understand I fired up the gas auger and drilled a hole. Then I flipped my ice shanty over the hole and flew inside. Tom says “what are you doin man we didn’t even unpack yet.” I cannot speak but as I squatted over the hole the sounds my rear makes inside that ice shanty tell Tom the whole story. Luckily I had some frozen napkins in there and didn’t need to sacrifice a sock. Using my ice scoop I shove the mess down the hole to sink to the depths of Misery bay forever then cover the hole with snow. I recover eventually to the real world, ice fishing a little further out and later I see a guy uncovering the snow I put over that hole. “Only crappie in that hole buddy” I call over.
 
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That gives a whole new meaning to Misery Bay!! I grew up in Erie and ice fished on Misery Bay many times - it will never be the same!! God thing I live in South Carolina now!
 
Been there bud, nothing worse than a wicked case of the hot snakes


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I really love spicy food but since I have gotten older I can't eat it as much. I used to make Carolina reaper salsa and it was awesome. Now I can't go above habanero.

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I took a ghost pepper hot wing challenge once because I wasn't strong enough (or smart enough) to ignore the peer pressure of my family. I feel your pain. Let me say, I won't do that again.
 
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