Fathers days self improvement

[elk yinzer]

Continuing to work on my own discipline across several different arenas. It's never been the highest on my list of attributes and in a couple ways over the years it has started to catch up with my Peter Pan tendencies. Cutting way way back on my beer intake over the last year and starting to get back in shape was step one of that. Just being healthier and sleeping better really improved my daily outlook in dad role. The next couple years I'd like to really focus more on my business and getting that to where I envision it.

I consider cursing an art and therapeutic, but good for you all. I am decently okay at switching it off around kids and kidlike folks.

 

[Iron_llama]

I consider cursing an art and therapeutic, but good for you all. I am decently okay at switching it off around kids and kidlike folks.

You've got to know your audience. If you don't know your audience, keep your mouth shut as much as possible, and clean when it's open. I've spent my entire adult life in blue-collar (or blue-collar-adjacent) pursuits - including, literally, blue Coast Guard uniform shirts - and sometimes I have to remind myself that this particular audience probably didn't appreciate the artful deployment of that last F-bombs, or the dozen or so before that.

 

[thedutchtouch]

I don't know how to word this without sounding somewhat pompous (because I do like the intent of the thread and applaud everything you all are doing for yourselves!), but I'm focusing on liking me how I am/meeting goals instead of trying to improve myself. Coming out of many years of being told by someone (who I thought would be my lifelong partner) why everything negative that happened in our lives was because of me/because x, y or z was wrong with me, so even though I thought I was able to brush that off, I wasn't, and it's taking a bit of mental retraining to let go of that negative reinforcement. I think "self improvement" is totally what I am doing, though I don't like phrasing it that way. For example I'm trying to focus on "getting more fit" instead of "getting back in shape" etc. basically it's the same thing, but a different mindset/different way to talk about it (mostly internally). I'm finding that the happier I am with me, the better human I am for my kids and everyone else as an added benefit. And I wasn't all that bad to begin with either.

 

[The_Fit_Ness_Monster]

I have been trying to do some self-improvement based on what my wife is telling me. But honestly, I don't know if I'm very good at it since part of the issue is I'm too honest. No, really, not BSing.

Basically wife tell me that my emotion are too easy to read by my facial expression. That when I'm not in a good mood, the kids can clearly see it. It affect them and it brings the mood of the whole house down. Especially if I had a long day at work, its dishearten to them because it seem like I wasn't happy to be home or see them. She want me to learn to show happy an expression when I walk in.

I countered with the view that I'm allow to express/show that I'm tire, especially in my own home.

So we compromised, I'll try harder to be in the moment and realizes how lucky I am to have such a great family, which I do, and smile more. And if I need to take a little 'shortcut' driving home after a long day, no questions asked.

I had the exact same problem, what I’ve done that has flipped it positively 180 is I (along with my wife) have created an environment where the wife and kids understand that when dad gets home from work theres an hour period where I get alone and quiet time at home to decompress from the day. Now most of the time I use the hour to either workout again or for the first time of the day or I nap (very rarely) or just go be by myself on my property and just have quiet time. What I’ve found that nearly 100% of the time I don’t need the whole hour, not even close most of the time, but I still take the whole hour for consistency sake. It has helped a lot, and fast forward a few years and nowadays I don’t even need the hour, it slowly went from every day to every other to when needed to never but still if needed it’s an understood thing that dad gets his hour as soon as I get home, now that’s the kicker, I’m order to sway the wife partially it’s fixed to the first hour of arrival home. Now I get home at very random times varying from 10am to 8pm. But it obviously doesn’t have to be an hour it’s just a time I chose and she agreed to. And as far as the phones me and the wife are the only 2 phones and they are put away in the bedroom while we’re home together that’s always been a thing with me though, I hate this thing in spite of its convenience, and it’s only on me while I’m actively at work or on the road. But yeah that’s what we did to fix my severe rbf lol

 

[Exhumis]

I don't know how to word this without sounding somewhat pompous (because I do like the intent of the thread and applaud everything you all are doing for yourselves!), but I'm focusing on liking me how I am/meeting goals instead of trying to improve myself. Coming out of many years of being told by someone (who I thought would be my lifelong partner) why everything negative that happened in our lives was because of me/because x, y or z was wrong with me, so even though I thought I was able to brush that off, I wasn't, and it's taking a bit of mental retraining to let go of that negative reinforcement. I think "self improvement" is totally what I am doing, though I don't like phrasing it that way. For example I'm trying to focus on "getting more fit" instead of "getting back in shape" etc. basically it's the same thing, but a different mindset/different way to talk about it (mostly internally). I'm finding that the happier I am with me, the better human I am for my kids and everyone else as an added benefit. And I wasn't all that bad to begin with either.

Ain’t nuthin wrong with that brother. You can’t love others if you hate yourself. You gotta get yourself right first.

 

[hokiehunter373]

I have been trying to do some self-improvement based on what my wife is telling me. But honestly, I don't know if I'm very good at it since part of the issue is I'm too honest. No, really, not BSing.

Basically wife tell me that my emotion are too easy to read by my facial expression. That when I'm not in a good mood, the kids can clearly see it. It affect them and it brings the mood of the whole house down. Especially if I had a long day at work, its dishearten to them because it seem like I wasn't happy to be home or see them. She want me to learn to show happy an expression when I walk in.

I countered with the view that I'm allow to express/show that I'm tire, especially in my own home.

So we compromised, I'll try harder to be in the moment and realizes how lucky I am to have such a great family, which I do, and smile more. And if I need to take a little 'shortcut' driving home after a long day, no questions asked.

Yup, it's alright for your kids to see you unhappy. They'll realize that's ok for them too and there's right and wrong ways to deal with it. Good on you for finding yours (your detour home to unwind). If I've had a rough day, I greet the kiddos, wife, and dog, and feel a little relief. Then I head upstairs to change clothes, go to the bathroom, and take 5 mins to switch from work brain to family brain. Then I enjoy the rest of the evening with them. It's certainly helped. Instead of being pissed at something at work and going straight to the kids bickering about something and then unnecessarily taking my frustrations out on them just because I had a bad day and they're being kids. Not fair to them. It's better to take a few extra mins time to decompress.

 

[Robert loper]

In light of Father’s Day I thought I’d share some musings.
I’m always working on self improvement. I suck at it thus it’s a work in progress and will be continual till the day I die. It’s my belief that we owe it to ourselves, our Creator, our families and our society.
Toward that end one thing I’m working to curb is my potty mouth. Uncle Sam instilled in me an amazingly profane vocabulary and the propensity to use it. I don’t like this about myself now that I’m a civilian, one of Gods children and especially now that I have kids. Some days are better than others but I measure success in the ability to refrain and exercise control.

Being almost 50 and spending 20 years working in a prison. Potty mouth is just a regular every day thing for me. Lol.
it is like no big deal at all. But, i should really work on it. But , my dad would always tell me. If someone gets offered by a harmless curse word then you probably shouldn’t be hanging or be around tight wads like that.
lmao.

 

[Iron_llama]

Yup, it's alright for your kids to see you unhappy. They'll realize that's ok for them too and there's right and wrong ways to deal with it. Good on you for finding yours (your detour home to unwind). If I've had a rough day, I greet the kiddos, wife, and dog, and feel a little relief. Then I head upstairs to change clothes, go to the bathroom, and take 5 mins to switch from work brain to family brain. Then I enjoy the rest of the evening with them. It's certainly helped. Instead of being pissed at something at work and going straight to the kids bickering about something and then unnecessarily taking my frustrations out on them just because I had a bad day and they're being kids. Not fair to them. It's better to take a few extra mins time to decompress.

I was part of a men's group at work and we got to talking about rituals. I realized that I had unconsciously adopted a number of rituals into my day to separate "work Llama" from "family Llama". I've got hats and pants and boots that I only wear at work; other hats and jeans and footwear I wear in 'dad mode'. I lock up my work equipment, and the keys to my work truck, as I hang up my hat and take off my boots. I'm literally locking up my day, then changing out of my work pants into my Dad shorts. I do these things for entirely pragmatic and practical reasons, but find that I really like these rituals as they help me shift modes. It's important to recognize and... I don't know, fully participate?... in these rituals.