Good Morning guys. First I just want to say thank you to all of you who have taken the time to post here and send me messages with all of the positive thoughts. Seems I'm not the only To be in this situation as others have been there at 1 point or another.
Fellas this is a struggle I will not lie. The home is like a empty dark cave these fields truck and tractor cabs seem longer and lonelier than ever. I've been trying to get her to answer me and she won't. I've pleaded for her forgiveness and expressed in willing to do anything to make our marriage work. I've admitted my faults to her apologized for them and assured that if she would just be willing to let us rebuild our trust neither of us would regret it and we would save our marriage. She will not even reply.
She has told me that she doesn't like the dirt road dairy farm life. Says she wants more than it has to offer and that this isn't it. She has been near absent most of our marriage because she can't stay away from her family long enough to have really given our marriage a fair chance. Has been times I've not seen her but 7 nights in 7 weeks other times she be gone 7-8-9-10-11 days at a time and I'd never see her.
I never knew really when she was going to be home so I let my work take over because I got tired of being home alone. When she come home she'd be mad and be mad for days I never knew why but I think now I know. It's because she didn't like it here and this isn't good enough for her. My life is the same now as it was when I met her 6 years ago. Literally the same. We both have done and said a lot of things we shouldn't have and we both know that. At this point it's just a matter of me trying to figure out how to let this all go I'm regret of what I didn't do and how my lifestyle doesn't suit her eyes and wants.
I cannot keep begging her to stay or to come back. Im halfing to make myself understand that she had a part in this To as I've been putting most the blame on me. After reading from you guys here and talking with close friends last day or so I see that I can't do it alone. She has to be willing rather than just walk away. All of my close friends here at home without me even saying anything made comment that 90-95% of the time I've always been alone. She says she doesn't have friends here she doesn't like the people or the town. I understand is no place like home but she has never made an attempt to make friends or give this place a chance.
I didn't make it to see preacher man last night. We started chopping corn yesterday and I didn't get done milking till 9pm last night. I went to the store and got some sleep aid to finally knock me out. I got home and at 1015 I heard a car door shut. My heart hit my throats and I stood watching the door. In Come a long time friend from Kentucky who made a 5hr drive just to come set and talk to me last night. I lost it. I sat and talked to him last night till 12. He and his wife just divorced and if messaged him Just to try and get some advice of what to do. Turns out when he got off work he headed straight to me. He spoke a lot of sense about the situation last night that helped me lay down rest some.
This is going to be a timely process and definitely not an easy 1. Im not sure when I need to just realize she's leaving and when I need to stop trying to make her see I'm trying so hard to get her to see I want to work this out. If is not faced my dad admitted my faults and begging for us a new begging I could see her walking no
Questions asked but I've made visible changes and she still will not open her heart to see it and willing to try it.
Thank all of you for your word and your help and the number to reach out. I mean it thank you too all of you
U r gonna be ok buddy. Apologies for a bit of a story but here goes.
My girl was with me thru thick and thin through many surgeries I had to have years ago. Well I got addicted to pain medicine after over 50 surgeries over my lifetime. When I went to treatment to get sober, she was not supportive. I had to leave that relationship and I swear that it was harder to quit her than the painkillers. I saw her in everything I did and I swore I’d die.
I kept doing what I was supposed to and as hard as it was to get over her, I eventually made peace with it.
Fast forward 3 years. Finished my education and started my job to help others with chronic pain and addiction. And meanwhile I had put myself through school and met a woman who had lost her husband of 23 years to a medical error.
We went and talked over dinner about our lives and twists and turns. She told me how she used to sit and pray for him to walk through the door knowing he was gone.
We fell in love and 15 years later neither of us could imagine this amazing outcome.
For me it was - get right with myself first. Trust god to help me with everything. Clean house (take care of my part of everything that happened over my life), and help others.
I promise you - with the past 20 years of sober experience - that last paragraph is a key to healing.
Glad ur friend is there and you are a champ for taking your first steps to a better life. Her leaving exposed a lot of things that YOU can change for the better and you are already on ur way!!! Remember - the ONLY thing you can change is YOU. Start there and everything around you responds.
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