Krabopple AF. Y’all are the kindest bunch of people left in this morality-forsaken place called the internet. I don’t really know why I decided to share this all instead of leaving it at the contest submissions, but I’m not much for conventional therapy, so maybe y’all provided the proverbial “skinny couch” that I didn’t know I needed. I’m also a little torn about the level of humor I have upheld, though I’m aware I use that to cope. I think the alternative is miserably unhealthy for me.
I didn’t share for sympathy, though I sure appreciate what you’ve all said in that regard. I also didn’t share for religious reasons, as in all honesty, I’m a bit of an agnostic and a recovering Roman cathaholic (though I still believe in the power of intentional prayer’s intentions and the existence of something(s) or someone(s) in a higher place than we, that can help us when we need it most; and that those who leave this world are bound for that higher existence). I don’t fault anyone here their beliefs and I don’t turn my nose up at your prayers or your God.
I think I just needed to write it out.
I read every word of your replies and believe you wholeheartedly. I believe the reactions without replies are also sincere, and they are received well. Thank you for meaning it when you say it, whatever your version of “it” is.
And to the parents…yeah. It sucks. Worse than anything I’ve ever had to endure. I hate that some of you have been through similar, and hope that none of you have to go through anything like it in the future. Some of you unfortunately might, so if I have anything that resembles “advice”: In situations like this there is no “it could be worse” or “at least it wasn’t such and such bad thing”. There is no comparing your grief to others’. It’s yours, you have to own it for what it is to you. It’s okay that nobody will ever understand, and they never have to. Family and friends will offer their best condolences because they are trying their best to navigate your emotions too. They want you to know they love you, and you have to take that for what it is: a blessing. Be patient with yourself and others and translate their good words and deeds into the self-language you best understand. Be grateful that in all you have lost, that support remains.
And if you are an angel parent like me, please talk to your angel(s) whenever you get a chance. You’re still their dad or mom and they still need you too.
I think more than anything, I just had to share a bit about the Way of Nature (proper noun) and how it’s affecting a fellow hunter. Bowhunting was something I did before this happened, but now it’s truly part of who I am. This experience made that transformation abundantly clear to me. I am not a man who hunts, I am a Hunter. I give of myself for the land I live on for Nature’s benefit, so that when the time is right I might take from Nature for myself, and She takes from me in kind for Herself. I can’t pretend to understand or think it’s fair, or even accept the fate that’s been set. I can only try to do those things. But when I wake up to go into the woods, I will go knowing that my lifetime hunting buddy is already waiting for me.
He can help me understand what I need to understand from his place in that higher existence.
And if we don’t have success in the woods, I know he is home and well taken care of in my grandparents’ kitchen up in the sky. One day I will join them. I’ll bring the Scotch and venison.
