• The SH Membership has gone live. Only SH Members have access to post in the classifieds. All members can view the classifieds. Starting in 2020 only SH Members will be admitted to the annual hunting contest. Current members will need to follow these steps to upgrade: 1. Click on your username 2. Click on Account upgrades 3. Choose SH Member and purchase.
  • We've been working hard the past few weeks to come up with some big changes to our vendor policies to meet the changing needs of our community. Please see the new vendor rules here: Vendor Access Area Rules

SH I'm reaching out for y'all

Status
Not open for further replies.
Sounds like your heading in the right direction. Tough road to hoe. Still praying

If two people have the same goal and are truly trying to reach it, it will be hard to fail!

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Last edited:
Hang in there and hopefully each day is getting a little better. Glad you reached out and there is a lot of great advice. I pray that everything works out for you and wish you the best.

Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk
 
We are going through the 5 languages of love in small group study on Wednesday nights. Tonight is our second week in the book. So far it looks good. We do stuff like this a few times a year. Call it preventative maintenance.
 
Went and met with the preacher man again tonight talked about a big list full of things that I've self evaluated in myself. I'm learning a lot here. Alotta things by reading the book
I am too. Things that definitely would help our marriage in my part. Not things I didn't wanna do in the past, just things I honestly didn't know. I'm criticizing all facets of my life. Not blaming all on me, but I figure if I'm going to be doing this to better myself in may as well do it right. She may tell me
Tomorrow it's over and if so that will be hard but it will definitely help me in the future if my life was to move forward.

Found myself in church last night till 905. I talked with a long time friends daddy who just lost his great lady 6 months ago To
Cancer and the pastor. Can't say that I've ever been to a mid week church sermon. It was about cussin. I learned a lot about that. While I've had a potty mouth for good bit of my life around buddies it doesn't show around ladies family or public in general. Today I made a promise to myself to watch my language and clean that up. I only slipped up 2 times today and both was because of cows ...soooo I think good lord will let that slide.

I'm messaged her couple times today just saying I loved her and missed her and at 230 she messaged back saying she loved and missed me too. I was in shock. I didn't even know what to say so 2 hrs later i Replied saying "I'm so glad to hear you say that" immediately she shot message back saying " it's true but don't read into it". I then asked what she meant and at 730 she replied "I'm just stating the truth" I'm so lost and confused. I feel she wants to come back but maybe she has pressure within her family holding her back. I mean I feel they are likely a driving force in this anyway, but her running to them and so forth has put her in her own situation. I don't have the fancy things I live in a older home it's paid for in a dirt road on our farm. She didn't like it but she doesn't understand that while I may not have the fanciest lifestyle but she never went without food from my beef and killing hogs and hunting fishing drinks a roof over our head and wood to keep us warm in the winter and she didn't pay a bill 1 here. All
She had to do was be my wife. Sure at
Times I've been cranky and she has to but it doesn't make sense how she just up and gone. Then she drags me along now like she doesn't know what she wants. If she wants divorce that's on her so she will Half to be who files or whatever you do.

Been a long day and bedtime. Fellas I appreciate y'all letting me come here
And help get this out of me. It's been tough but typing and readin from yall Helps. Goodnight gents
 
Im late to this thread haven’t spent as much time on the forum as I usually do... hang in there buddy!..... me and my dad run some beef cattle together on the side and I know how much work it is just with a small heard I couldn’t even imagine dairy... I’ve definitely seen first hand how work can put stress on a relationship but do not beat yourself up on it!!! I wish you the best and may god bless!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Sounds like she is just as lost as you, man.
That doesn't mean that it will work, that doesn't mean it is over. It just means that she is struggling as well.
Even if y'all don't work things out, never forget that this was just as hard on her as it is on you. There is no reason to ever hate someone you once loved. It is easy to take the simple road and turn sour, though. You see it all too often.

I hope that whatever comes of all this, you find a way to grow closer to the man you want to be. I have been in that self loathing low. I have pushed myself past the person I wanted to be, and into something I despised when I looked in the mirror.
The past is unchangeable. Sometimes things come to a head and resolve themselves, and sometimes things are broken beyond repair. Just remember to constantly pursue a better you. It is an almost impossible task to just find who you want to be. Instead, find who you know you don't want to be. Constantly improve each small imperfection you find in yourself. Remove the things in your life that emulate things you don't want to be. Do this enough, and you find (almost accidentally) your true self.

I posted the following on social media about 5 years ago, about a year before my wife and I got together. This wasn't easy to write, it wasn't the end of my growth, it wasn't even the end of the pain. But, it was the beginning of my true improvements. It was the moment I stopped allowing my pain to hold back my growth... my improvement. The many hours it took me, sobbing, to come up with this final exclamation to the world, to myself, that I WAS becoming a better me... was my turning point.

In all that is going on, find your turning point.

accc683aa7d1776378fe09a1903f40a2.png

"I am a work in progress, a project yet completed. I am not yet who I want to be. For the past few months I have allowed myself to stop working on becoming the man I know I will become, the man I must become. I have coasted, regressed, wallowed in self pity and let my failures define who I thought I had become or could become. I forgot that a stone is not naturally beautiful. It must first be cut, ground, and polished. My failures, shortcomings, heartache, and mistakes are not there to define me. They are there to help me shed those parts of me that don't fit into the final cut I wish to display. I forgot that instead feeling angry or bitter about these painful experiences in my life, I should rejoice each time they occur. Because, with each one I am one step closer to being the perfectly cut, beautiful, vibrant stone that is deserving of a left hand."


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Introspection is really important- so good to see you are evaluating and realizing things you missed before. We all have so don’t feel that you are an anomaly. It’s important for you to be a better man and husband - regardless of who with - and one day a father. Your wife will need to go through this too. It can’t just be one that makes the turn and actively pursued personal improvement- marriage is about sharing the journey. Sounds like her family is a major factor. That may be holding her back - she may have a similar distorted loyalty to them like you had with your dad. So be patient and lead by example. You won’t be able to force her to do what you are doing but you certainly can inspire her. Let her know how these changes are helping you be happy. That will get her thinking


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Ontariofarmer said:
I will pray for you, your wife and the preacher giving direction. Man that is tough. Don't give up on yourself or your wife, Satan loves suicide... God loves you and you are not alone.

Ps 46:1
46 God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
NKJV
Click to expand...

Great response Ontariofarmer! I second this.

My wife decided to divorce me over 20 years ago with four young kids. I was broken. I now realize that brokenness made me stronger and I couldn’t be happier today.
 
After a couple days of her being hot and cold she called me Friday night about 10pm crying. Saying she was lonely and loved and missed me. 1 of the first questions she asked was if I'd met with the preacher man and his wife and I told her yes. She asked how it went and I told her really Good. That was no fib either. Meeting with has helped me understand things I never knew and helped me see Things in a better light. I leave there feeling refreshed and with lots of hope to come home to a empty home. It's tough!!

We talked for a little spell about how we are feeling and such. I asked if she had much happening Saturday (yesterday) and she said no so I asked to see her. Much to my surprise she agreed. Next morning I was up and milking at 530. I finished come home showered and headed her way. I stopped and picked up a small bouquet of flowers and a Reese cup For a small
Surprise for her. We was to meet at 930am. I arrived at 9 and she arrived about 945-950. We met and had a 1.5hr long breakfast just setting in a back corner.

We sat and talked about this and that and about our feelings also. After we ate we sat in my truck for a few. We both agreed we enjoyed each others time and setting and talking. Before she left I got out of my truck and we gave each other a hug a kiss and said we loved each other. As we had said a few other times throughout our visit

As the day went on I didn't hear from her till
About 3:30pm. She sent me a picture thankin me for the flowers and saying They was beautiful. We exchanged texts as the evening went. Just small talk mostly with occasional honey or baby and I love or miss you. I told her goodnight and I loved her and she replied with both.

This morning I told her good morning and loved and missed her and I was gettin dressed for church and that I missed her being here cause we was supposed to be getting ready for church together instead of in our situation. She just replied with good morning and she was glad I was up and going to church. Nothing more and nothing more as the day has gone.

It is apparent to me she is hot and cold on all this. It's dragging me down so hard but I know it's all through the course of it. I hate being at home. It's so lonely and nothing to do or no one to occupy my time as before. Even as much as she was gone just knowing she was here at times was a comforting feeling. It's been 3 weeks today that she left and a week since she took her stuff. This rebuilding and trying to figure out what's going on is hard on my mind.

I've been reading the book "cracking the communication code" near daily. It's been my saving grace really because when I'm reeling it's what I grab. They book is humbling. Very humbling. I point out so many ways that I feel and have felt during our marriage from her. Then I have seen many ways that I'm sure I've made her feel. It runs both ways. It hurts me to read it but as
Much as I want to just close it I make myself read on because I know it's a must.

Church this morning was about generosity. It was a good sermon and I connected good with it because I've always tried to be very giving just because I wat he'd my grandparents do it and seen the smiles and friends they made through their lives. I realized today that while I was only following what I'd seen in them it was actually me doing things through the Bible. Thing that she used to always gripe at me about for "giving to much away" and "wasting all my money to give to others".

Fellas I'm in a state of confusion with her and all this. I'm not sure what way to go but I'm
Sill Fighting for us and praying like mad that we can get this all Back together. I spoke with the preacher man and his wife briefly this morning and told them the occurrences of us and breakfast and both felt it was all positive. Even though she said "don't read into it" the pastors wife said that it is more positive than she probably wants to let it be known. 1 big issue in all this that's hard to make me look away from is it's obvious and she's said that yes her family and parents do have influence in this. I don't like hearing that at all. It should be her and I not her,me, her mom dad brother sister and grandparents. She says it's whom loves her most and that's why she went to them. I see her point but at the same time if so, why have I watched you lie to them time and time and time again through our marriage and your sibling lie to them too? My daddy and I may not ever had a close relationship but I've never in my life lied to him. It's hard fellas, it's really hard.


Sorry for a long winded post but just felt I needed to spew some of this out. Thanks guys
 
You are on the right track, man. Keep getting to church, receiving counseling, and reading the Bible and Christian based literature.
Stay in constant prayer...everything that comes to mind, lift up. Pray for her, her situation at the parents, the things you can change in yourself, guidance and understanding.
Remember that you can't change her, she has to change herself. But seeing consistent positive change in you may drive her to change.
I'm glad you two got to have some quality sit down time together. That is certainly a move in the right direction, praise God!
 
No problem, talking it out his therapeutic and it helps sort everything out. Good luck with everything. JJ

Sent from my Moto G (5) Plus using Tapatalk
 
I am continuing to pray for you and your wife and your pastor

It sounds like some positive things are happening like your preacher says. But...

You are correct. She needs to leave her family and glue or cleave to you. As you must leave the authority of your dad and it sounds like you have and cleave to her

That will be important for your relationship. Failure to do so is a common reason for marriage failures.

Don’t give up hope



FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. (Ephesians 5:31, NASB)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro
 
Dude, keep spilling it all out here, it is much healthier than bottling it up. Also, I have found that typing it all out in a cohesive post (or letter, or journal, or discussion) makes you explore the situation further than you would have in the first place.

It is obvious that she misses you, it is obvious that time with some of her family makes her doubt working things out. BUT... that doesn’t mean they simply want to keep y’all apart.

There is no telling what bits and pieces of y’all’s story they are privy to. They may only know the hard times. They may have only ever heard her venting, and assume it is the norm in the entire relationship. They may not be privy to any of the good times y’all have had, or the joy you may bring to her. They may just be trying to protect their daughter/sister/friend based on this incomplete information. Make sure not to have any direct conflict with them because, hopefully, you have to deal with them the rest of y’all’s lives.

Continue being thoughtful and caring. Continue putting y’all before you, and continue improving yourself.
Show her how much you Love her.... make the words superfluous.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
@Blinginpse keep on man! The best thing you can do for yourself & to attempt to reconcile is pray & just be consistent. You have to serve your wife & pray that she comes around & that God works in her heart as well! In all that you’ll be a stronger man & closer to God! I’m continually praying for your situation man that’s tough. Day to day it sucks, find the small things that don’t & spend your energy there......
 
Thanking the Lord for the small steps forward. Praying for complete restoration. And I am blessed and challenged with your humility as you see and admit your past failures. Keep pressing on and pressing into God. The road is rough but if you walk it well you will be able at some point to look back and see that through it God did good things! Blessings and prayers!

Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top