My father told me over 40 years ago:
"Son you will NEVER know a woman until you marry her, then its to late. Never have truer words been spoken.
Okay, well my father told "dating is a job interview, interview lots of perspective people to fill the job, call back those who need a second interview, and only hire the best candidate."
Now, he also made a point of telling us to know ourselves and to know what we were missing from our lives. And the other important words of wisdom were to never take advise from someone who had not been doing what you want to do unless that have been doing it for 20 years more than you. This rule is important, your divorced friends give great advice on how to be divorced, your grandparents if still married give great advice on how to stay married.
I am on 29.5 years of marriage, and I follow my family rules.
My parents are on 53.5 years of marriage, and they follow the rules.
My father's parents parted ways at 77 years of marriage, and continued to follow the rules until his death, she continued the rules for another 2.5 years until her death.
My mother's parents followed the rules for almost 50 years, but were cut short by an early death, followed by the other giving up and dying within 18 months.
I could go on, we have great track records in our family for the most part (always have to have a black sheep in every family).
So, what is it that we do different? Well, as you date a girl and start talking marriage we have sage advice, "Run. Don't walk, RUN. Don't do it, marriage is hard and you are not ready. Run away and don't look back." This was easy, it was such a simple concept. I was very happy to run away when I realized that the 1st girl had "Lied" during her interview process. After that my interviewing skills improved.
Now, on the day you get married against the advise of all kinds of your loved ones telling you not to do it we come to you with new advise, "Well, you screwed up now, no more running away, now you have to fight, fight to keep your partner, fight to keep others out of your marriage, fight to keep each other interested, and fight any temptation to look elsewhere. You two are now one, and nothing you ever do should hurt the one that you both are. Nothing should be done that is not for you both. Nothing that comes between you should be allowed. And nothing should be hidden from your being as one, no secrets are allowed except presents about to be exchanged." This was a hard at first, I didn't see how all these lessons were the same, how they could all be in the same group, and how they were supposed to help me. But after the honeymoon phase ends and enough arguments begin it dawned on me what all the years of being taught these things were about. Then, the next hard part was teaching these things to my wife. Now, it is easy, we have a great relationship that gets better all the time, we worry about each other, we help each other, and we teach each other.
Now, all the kids are taught these same things. My son made his early mistakes during dating and his sister's learned from him. My youngest is out of the honeymoon phase and is teaching these rules to her husband and son, and things are getting better over there. My remaining child is soon to be we'd and has figured out that he needs to start learning these lessons before marriage so that they get a head start. These things make me happy.
And, no, this is not some big secret, these were common rules not too long ago, they have just fallen into disfavor by those who do not want to spend the time to improved each other's lives but who instead are put to improve their own life at the expense of others.
Have a wonderful day now, remember that you woke up and we're allowed to continue living so make the most of it.
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