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All Woman Opinion

Married 15 years here. My strategy is similar to @Bigterp. I make sure the family time bank account is full(family trips, lots of time spent together, working on the honey do list, etc) before season rolls around. I didn't do that For the first few seasons and it was miserable. Changed tactics and now when October rolls around she starts asking when I'm going. For those of you with fresh youngins you gotta have a very understanding spouse if you're gonna be in the woods otherwise you might wanna consider sitting a season or two out. Last thing you want is resentment to build. That's an ugly thing
 
Seriously, look no farther than @Bigterp advice. Married for 5 years now and communication is the single most important key. My wife isn't into hunting, wants no part of hunting, did go with me once in high school, but she's just not about it. Ya know, killing bambi and everything. That being said, she has 0 issues with anything I do, other than it takes time away from her and the kids. That's where what terp said about hobbies comes in. I'm still working on that. My wife doesn't really have any hobbies, and anything she does like to do doesn't take up 6 hours a trip at a minimum when she does it. However, I've made it clear to her that when it's outside of hunting season (and really even during hunting season), whenever there's something she wants to do by herself, with me, with the kids, whatever, we'll do it. If we've already talked about my hunting plans, we do it around those times. If hunting isn't in the books, then I don't care. I'm happy to spend time with them. Happy to do things with them. And she knows that I'm happy sitting in the woods by myself too. She doesn't 100% get the passion but I've communicated to her that it's a crazy important thing that I want to do and even though it is I'll sacrifice some of my time doing it to spend more with the family. Make sure she realizes that she's actually more important than hunting.

Talk with your wife. Let her know the importance of your hobby but that she's important too. Try and get her a hobby. Support it. Before the season starts set expectations. Talk with your wife. Get a calendar and put your estimated hunting dates on it. Adjust it as far in advance as possible. Talk to your wife. Purposefully put a date on the calendar that she thinks you'll hunt and then cancel it to spend time with her. Preferably do this right before the rut. And again, talk with your wife.
 
I'm not a woman, but will share the below because I get to hunt a lot for being married with kids. I've also had a professional marriage counselor weigh in on this stuff (she's my neighbor and a 20 year professional psychologist and family therapist).

1. You don't have to be into the same things. If she's not interested in hunting, don't pressure her. Imagine if she pressured you into getting your nails done with her.

However, you should share a hobby that you both enjoy doing together. My wife has no interest in going hunting, but loves hiking and skiing. I love hiking and skiing and that's what we do together and as a family. We hike and ski more than I hunt.

2. Support her hobbies. How much time and money are you spending hunting? Does she get to spend the same amount? I think this is where many dudes get uncomfortable with the fact that they financially cheat on their wives more than they'll admit. Understand that if you are making significant financial purchases behind your wife's back, then there's a bigger issue. Not saying you are, but if anyone reading this is please stop this behavior now!

I do the finances for our family because I'm the analytical one, but I'm transparent with everything and make my wife sit down and review stuff with me every now and again. Sometimes she's the big spender, sometimes I am. What's important is it's fair and we never purchase items over a certain amount without each others consent.

This may sound nuts, but being open with spending has helped me buy more hunting stuff. Because my wife gets to see first hand how much all her beauty shop trips, pairs of shoes, throw pillows, and 'can you believe this was on sale' purchases add up over a year.

The same thing goes with time. My wife likes to have a workout everyday, so she gets an uninterrupted hour to herself in the morning everyday. This is in addition to the two hours to herself each day that I make sure she gets. I get about two hours a day to myself (which I shoot my bow or workout). During October, I only take an hour to myself during the week to workout, and 'bank' all those other hours to use hunting that month. I also use my work PTO to hunt during the week, and don't hunt weekends because that time is for family activities.

3. Stop being selfish, or at least be realistic about the amount of time you hunt. I have a 4 year-old and 1 year-old and my wife works Part-time while taking care of the kids full-time during the week. It is not fair to say I need to spend more time than she gets to play. She doesn't get that time, so why should I? There are some days that would be ideal to hunt, the perfect setup for a specific stand etc., but I can't go. There's even days where I was supposed to go hunting but had to bail last minute because of family needs. It sucks, but I skip hunting days without complaining because it's only fair. I'm a husband and a father, not a professional hunter.

I hunt 5 maybe 7 days out of year, and spend about 3 days scouting outside of season. Some years I get a deer, some years none. Having a young family and both spouses working means 5 days is a sh*tload of time hunting. I'm greatful for it. This past year, I got a new bow for my birthday and didn't take a single day in the summer to do any other hobby like fish. I knew I wanted to hunt as much as I could this year so I had to sacrifice.

Actions are better than words:
I'm not the perfect example, and more importantly I had to seek professional help as things were getting rocky in my marriage. I'm sharing this because you may try know how to 'support' your spouse even when you want to.

Sometimes mom's won't do anything for themselves because they feel guilty not spending the time with their kids. This is where you really need to support her and what I sucked at doing the most. In these situations, don't ever tell her to take time or not feel guilty... you got to set the stage (just like in other areas in relationship).

If my wife is having a crazy day, I'll grab the kids and take them to a playground or whatever, and tell her I've got things for the next hour or two. She'll object or insist she comes, but I reassure her 'I got this and want the kids to myself for a bit.' Everytime I do this and come back an hour later, she's always in a better mode.

If you know anyone who is married with young kids and hunting more than 5-7 days a year, it is likely not a 'happily ever after' scenario. I can happily say I'm in a very healthy and happy marriage. Because I support my wife, and we are open and honest with each other with everything. The more I supported my wife (through action) the more I got to go hunting. And even though I wish she'd go, I know we'll get to hike in some of the areas I find hunting and camp and have a blast.

Sorry this is long but hope it helps. Cheers!
 
CooterBrown said:
Do we have any woman on this forum?
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I'm guessing, if there are any, they don't want to make it known...

...They probably don't want a bunch of swollen-neck, diaper dwellers PMing them asking for "saddle photos" :D
 
DB4x4 said:
I'm guessing, if there are any, they don't want to make it known...

...They probably don't want a bunch of swollen-neck, diaper dwellers PMing them asking for "saddle photos" :D
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... Plus any woman willing to create an account on a niche hunting forum AND take the time to post... Probably isn't your target audience in this case anyway, haha.
 
I'm not a woman. I accidentally got my wife into it after 4 years of complaining about it.
Get a family crossbow and get her to shoot it. Then get her to practice a little.
Set up for her success.
Not too far from home.
Not too cold.
No long hunts, 1 hour at the most.
A good blind to hide movement and noise.
A spot where you KNOW you will have deer in range.
Have good snacks and drinks.
Good comfortable chair for her.
Ask her to join you in the blind. Tell her she can shoot one if she wants.
When the deer comes in, coach her through it. Tell her which crosshair to use and where to aim.
If she messes up, still have fun. No negative vibes.
If she gets excited by it, prepare to buy 2nds of everything.
If she doesn't, I doubt she ever will.
Many women will resist going hunting, but will gladly hang out with their hubby having snacks and watching for deer.
 
Thanks for the input(even if yall ain't woman). I do have a good marriage(in my opinion) and am very thankful. I average 55 hours a week at work monday -friday normally 6am until 6pm except Friday I normally get of at 2pm. During hunting season( Oct 15 - Feb 10) I try to hunt 2 evenings during the week so I have to work 6am to 7pm three days out of the week. I try to predict the weather for the week and pic the best 2 evenings to hunt. I also get to hunt Saturdays normally either a morning or an evening but during the Jan rut I try to squeeze in an all day somewhere. I have 4 kids still at home age 4-17 and my wife is a stay at home mom. I do take the kids with me from time to time if I'm going to set over a grass patch in a shooting house but I prefer to go alone and get up a tree somewhere. I don't hunt Sundays. And I take all my (5 weeks) vacation with the family and not hunting. Am I over doing it on the hunting/family time? I don't want to be a selfish spoiled husband.
 
I'm laughing my *ss off reading these responses. My wife and I have been happily married for almost 34 years and she grew up eating venison. She used to hunt quite a bit (sitting by herself) and has shot her share of deer but just doesn't have the time for it anymore with work and the grandkids taking up a lot of her time now. I guess you guys weren't quite picky enough when you picked out your bride to be. My wife and I are soulmates and she actually encourages me to hunt more often but a guy can only hunt so much. Eat your hearts out fellas! :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: Oh and she has her money and I have mine so she doesn't question any of the equipment purchases I make as long as the bills are paid.
 
DroptineKrazy said:
I'm laughing my *ss off reading these responses. My wife and I have been happily married for almost 34 years and she grew up eating venison. She used to hunt quite a bit (sitting by herself) and has shot her share of deer but just doesn't have the time for it anymore with work and the grandkids taking up a lot of her time now. I guess you guys weren't quite picky enough when you picked out your bride to be. My wife and I are soulmates and she actually encourages me to hunt more often but a guy can only hunt so much. Eat your hearts out fellas! :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: :tearsofjoy: Oh and she has her money and I have mine so she doesn't question any of the equipment purchases I make as long as the bills are paid.
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Some people have all the luck LOL
 
CooterBrown said:
Thanks for the input(even if yall ain't woman). I do have a good marriage(in my opinion) and am very thankful. I average 55 hours a week at work monday -friday normally 6am until 6pm except Friday I normally get of at 2pm. During hunting season( Oct 15 - Feb 10) I try to hunt 2 evenings during the week so I have to work 6am to 7pm three days out of the week. I try to predict the weather for the week and pic the best 2 evenings to hunt. I also get to hunt Saturdays normally either a morning or an evening but during the Jan rut I try to squeeze in an all day somewhere. I have 4 kids still at home age 4-17 and my wife is a stay at home mom. I do take the kids with me from time to time if I'm going to set over a grass patch in a shooting house but I prefer to go alone and get up a tree somewhere. I don't hunt Sundays. And I take all my (5 weeks) vacation with the family and not hunting. Am I over doing it on the hunting/family time? I don't want to be a selfish spoiled husband.
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LMAO man so you're saying you get to hunt 3 times a week for like 1/3 of the year??? I'm lucky to hunt 2 or 3 times a month outside of the rut. Consider yourself lucky, enjoy the days in the woods, and maybe cut a few out to spoil the bride.
 
DITTO BIGTERP's Sound and solid advice. This is my second marriage, we've been together for 13 years. My first marriage was a big mistake. My wife is not a hunter but she understands it and appreciates how much I enjoy it. We have three girls, one is in college now. The others are still in middle and grade school. My wife is also an RN and has every other weekend work commitments. I have to say I am super blessed at how understanding my wife is during hunting season. BigTerp's advice is probably the best I've read on this very important subject. The give and take required is so important and for not only hunting but a lot of things in a marriage. My only other advice is that even during season, you take the time to listen..... not necessarily solve problems but just listen and show some kind of empathy. Stay positive about things and don't let something that comes up with your family be trumped out by hunting. It can be hard because seasons seem to go by so quickly but so does the time with your family and kids. If you can get them out with you that's even better but oftentimes that is not a practical possibility. Be thankful of the times you do get out to hunt and make the best of them. Be mindful that for most of us, hunting is a hobby and not necessary for our survival. Although that sometimes seems super cool to me, I doubt my family would be even remotely happy if they knew I had to hunt every day for us to eat. So I'll also say, Its important to do the laundry, fold the clothes and put them away. Do dishes or load and unload the dishwasher. Clean the bathrooms, feed the cat, Vacuum the house, be sure the kids are getting their homework done. Take the trash and recyclables out on pick up evenings. Work on those honey do lists that you can. Try to show with your actions and even during the heat of the rut that your family and home come first and foremost. Those are some of my recommendations. Lastly and certainly not least, remember the hierarchy..... God, Wife, Family, Friends, Work, Hobbies. Deer hunting isn't number one. Although I fight with that myself a lot, it helps to keep it in perspective. Pray for wisdom and praise God for what we do have in this great country.
 
22 years of marriage here and what you’re asking for isn’t possible.

Best of luck to ya though.
 
Bigterp said:
Ok not a woman’s perspective but I’ve been happily married for 21 years & have had similar experiences. I can tell you what works for us & what throws things out of whack.... I’ll try to address each
1. I’ve taken my wife Turkey hunting once & she’s never gone back , too many ticks & she can’t talk.... I’ve tried numerous times since & there’s no interest. So what I did instead was worked along side her in the kitchen to make whatever new or established wild game meals something we enjoy. She gets great pleasure out of a field to fork meal that’s a big family hit & takes pride in it. But I have to make sure that the meat prep/ processing is smooth & nothing required from her.
2. stress relief- usually when I get tunnel vision & don’t communicate my plans well, things go sideways. Before the season I roughly discuss how I’d like all this to play out (a few days early to late September, a trip mid to late October & a few days late pre rut, bow hunt hard for 3-5 days early November, gun hunt mid November a few days, sporadic late season based on weather) finding balance during this is important. Cancel a morning hunt & go out to breakfast with just her or the family. Pull extra weight on household chores, so she’s not doing extra thinking that you should be. From September to January there’s not a bag of trash, sink full of dishes, load of laundry or small home repair that’s left on her plate...... communication is key!! I plan my whole year so when it’s time to hunt I’ve made enough deposits in the family account so to speak that it’s not a big deal, come season.
3. Off your back- well some was addressed above, but the best thing that ever happened was encouraging my wife to find a hobby too. She now loves to sew & mess with crafting stuff. We discuss her sewing/crafting purchases & build that stuff into the budget. When she gets a box from wherever now she jokes that it’s just rope from Eastern Woods Outdoors........ support her hobby & hopefully it’s reciprocated! The rest is about balance.
4. No specific advice except for be a great husband, dad all year long & cash in hard during hunting season. Makes sure you have some non hunting things on the calendar during season to connect so she’s not a hunting widow.

Good luck man!!
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Man this is such good advice. I’ve only been married 6.5 years so I’m always looking to learn. The addition of our first child this fall has made time even more tight.
I’ll for sure follow this advice!
 
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