• The SH Membership has gone live. Only SH Members have access to post in the classifieds. All members can view the classifieds. Starting in 2020 only SH Members will be admitted to the annual hunting contest. Current members will need to follow these steps to upgrade: 1. Click on your username 2. Click on Account upgrades 3. Choose SH Member and purchase.
  • We've been working hard the past few weeks to come up with some big changes to our vendor policies to meet the changing needs of our community. Please see the new vendor rules here: Vendor Access Area Rules

Dad jokes

Jay_Disarray

Jay_Disarray

Well-Known Member
SH Member
Joined
Oct 7, 2019
Messages
1,950
Location
MN
I know you got some, let's hear them. The ones that as soon as you finish the punch line all you hear is groans.

I'll start,


I'm starting this program to bring classical music to young and disadvantaged children.
It's for the young and baroque
 
I don’t really have many dad jokes. In our home my wife is the one with the corny sense of humor. Everyday she sends a joke on written on my napkin in my lunch. Yesterday’s joke:

Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants with him to play?
In case he got a hole in one! :sunglasses:
 
You frequently see crows eating roadkill on the side of the road, but you rarely see a dead crow on the side of the road. Know why?...


They always put a lookout up in a tree, and if something is coming, they yell...CARRRR CARRR CARRRRRRR
 
This one is hit or miss, and older kids only.

A bear and a rabbit came across each other in the forest, the bear asked the rabbit, hey buddy, do you ever have an issue of your poo sticking to your fur?

The rabbit is more than a little surprised, but says no sir, my fluffy white fur has no such issue.

The bear says thats great and grabs the rabbit to wipe his butt.

Sent from my SM-G965U1 using Tapatalk
 
A pirate's three favorite letters of the alphabet?

Ayeee, argghh, and the seaaaa.
 
How to catch an elephant:

Dig a giant hole. Fill it with lumber, dead branches, scrap wood, etc. Light it on fire and let it burn down until it's nothing but ashes. Then put a single peanut in the edge of the hole and hide. When the elephant finds the peanut and bends down to eat it, sneak up behind him and...

... Kick him right in the ash-hole.
 
A man is driving down a deserted back road late at night and he is about to run out if gas. He sees a light off in the distance and just as he is arriving to the residence his car conks out. The man walks up to the house and sees it is a huge mansion with a big ornate wooden door. He knocks and hears 3 locks unlock and a butler opens the door....the man explains his situation and the butler allows him to enter. The man walks in thru the wooden door and notices there is also a metal door and an additional stone door. As he enters he notices the floor as the butler escorts the man to the room he will be allowed to stay in....wooden flooring, metal flooring, and then stone. They proceed down a wooden flight of stairs, metal stairs, and finally stone stairs. They arrive at the guest room and the butler opens the wood door, them the metal door, and finally the stone door. The butler says, u may rest here tonight and in the morning we will get u on ur way again...but whatever u do, DO NOT touch the gorilla....the man doesn't think anything of it and thanks the butler. As he gets settled in to his room he notices an extremely large, hairy gorilla in the corner of the room. As it gets closer to bed time the man is looking at the gorilla and his curiosity gets the better of him and he reaches out to touch the arm of the gorilla....just as he touches it, the gorillas eyes open and it roars....scared out of his mind the man runs to the entrance of the room and throws open the stone door, then the metal door, and finally the wood door...he runs for his life up the stone stairs, metal stairs, and wood stairs...he makes it to the hallway and runs across the stone floor, metal floor, and wood floor...he reaches the front entrance and just like before throws open the stone, metal, and wood door.....the gorilla is in hot pursuit roaring....the man finally outside sprints to his vehicle as he hears the gorilla right behind him. He jumps into his car and tries the ignition...the car sputters and dies....the gorilla reaches the man's car and roaring rips the door off the hinges and touches the man's arm and says "you're it"
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top