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SH I'm reaching out for y'all

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I would tell you to focus on yourself. Love yourself first. Make sure you continue talking with your preacher. I am glad to hear that things are on the repair with your Dad. It is a shame what you are going through. It takes two, too make a marriage work. Do not fault yourself if she does not come around. Put your faith in the lord.....
 
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IkemanTX said:
@Blinginpse,
How you doing, brother?
Click to expand...

Well Ike I'm alive I guess. Still riding it out. Reading praying attending church as often as I can. Going there relieves me so much just because of the friends I've made there and the smiles and laughter and chatter with everyone.

She got to where she was talking quiet regular. Telling me she loved and missed me and talking during the day, then night before last she blew up and got mad. Still Am not sure why. So, she hasn't said a word since. I still am telling her goodnight good morning love and miss her but crickets from her.....again.

The convo we was having was I was telling her about how my daughter was taking this. (Her step daughter) Not using her against my wife at all just simply telling her about her taking it hard. She said I'd mentioned before that she hadn't ever been aroundfor my daughter cause she was leaving every other weekend that I had her for about 2.5 years we been married. That another struggle we've had. Yet She's right I did say that, but what she doesn't believe is that my daughter who is 8 is who told me that she is never around and she asked if she was why my wife was never around. Wife replied with "right" then I sent back "it's the truth" meaning it's the truth that my daughter said that. She immediately said "I'm done with this conversation goodnight" and hadn't heard from her since. Idk if she took it as in me saying it was the truth that she hasn't been around or what but I feel she took it all wrong. I finally talked to her on the phone the other evening. She blew up 2 times in 10 mins to me just expressing how I felt. I finally asked her why she has to yell and get mad so easy.

Her exploding like that makes me remember why I shut down communication with her through our marriage. I never could say anything or do anything. Always felt was walking in egg shells. As of 630 Monday evening she still could not tell me she wants a divorce or if she wants us to make this work. Still as I stand here right now I love her and I do not want us to do the D!!

I told her people don't stay married for 50 years because they run from it like she has. I told her they all made mistakes and they learned from them on the fly and they made it work they found ways to make It work and I directly told her I want us to make this work and I'm willing to make it work.

She's asked me to pick up and move to her town where she works told her I couldn't she then asked to split the distance told her couldn't but I told her I'd move to a neighboring town that would cut her drive 20 mins making it about 35mins and me about 20. That way if weather got bad I could still take backroads to get back to the farm and I'd inters is shut down is be stuck and no getting back. Where as if weather is gonna be bad she can stay at her families home and be 10 mins from work. I'm not able to do that so asked her to Compromise with me on that and I'd sacrifice where I needed to in other places.

At this point idk what else to do. She said in blowing smoke?? That hurt considering I'm giving 300% trying to call and see her and she isn't having any of it and then she won't hardly text here and there. I'm so lost and confused. I love her but she's being childish I feel and hiding from the situation. She made comment the decision isn't about choosing there vs here it's about making the right decision to make everyone happy. I asked her whole everyone was cause it should only be me her and my daughter. She never did answer.

I just don't know what to do. Other than just ride it out let each day of this let it get easier and prepare for the worst and maybe the best can happen. Any advice boys cause her exploding and going mute on me hurts. It doesn't fix anything at all just makes it harder I feel.

Plus not hearing from her like his makes me worry. A very good friend who was 30 got killed last Wednesday evening. He and his family have about 1000 acres. He was feeding his cattle Mineral of the evening and his truck took off and either blind sided him and killed him or he tried to catch it and it caught him ran over him and drug him. They aren't really sure. His wife called his dad at 1230am worried about him cause he hadnt come home. His dad went and found him in the field. He and his wife tired for years for a kid. They finally had a little girl 2 months ago. It's been devastating to many many people in surrounding town and communities.

He and I and many other of our buddies live the same life as him day in day out. It scares me that something like that can happen at any moment. I don't want us to be in this no talking spell and all this other mess if that was To happen to either of us.

What's yalls thoughts. Pastor and wife tell me to back off and let her sweat a little let her see that it's getting easier for me and maybe make her wonder? Not trying to play fire with fire. Just trying to help prepare myself.
 
I'm a lurker on here and rarely post. But your situation hits close to home for me. I had a similar situation occur 4 years ago. The most important things a friend told me while I was going through my divorce was to remember that I would be happy again, no matter how hopeless I felt.

My Ex and I did some therapy together. In the end, it didn't help our marriage, but it helped me to understand what was happening with our relationship. In these situations, your mind feels like it's in overdrive. Getting some perspective can help to clear your mind.

I also hit the gym, started running, and dove into my work. After some time I started dating again. I eventually found a woman that is incredible. She makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.

Remember friend, it’s going to hurt for a while. But you’ll come out the other side with wisdom and grit.

Don’t forget, you will be happy again.
 
I don't have any answers worth listening to brother. Sounds like your church and your pastor probably/ hopefully have that covered for you.

All I can offer is my support and compassion. I keep thinking about you and wishing you well. When I'm hanging in my saddle, I'm hanging with Blingie! I sure hope you get a chance to get out in the woods this Fall. I find nature so therapeutic.

I check in on this thread to check in on how you are doing. Keep up the good, if hard, work. Life gets better.

Sent from my SM-G950U using Tapatalk
 
Thanks fellas. I did send her a good morning and love her message and a I love and miss ya message in the middle of the day. Guess this is gonna be another stretch of her being silent. I'm starting to wonder if the good lord didn't do this to maybe make me see that maybe I'm the 1 who needs to be laying attention rather than her sound whatever she's doing
 
I think the pastor is right - if she sees you being happy, and she really has feelings for you still, it will make the risk of her losing you more real. My ex talked about how happy she was we were breaking up and then I moved out / started taking care of myself and and boom - she fell to pieces - and I stated to become happy again because I was controlling my destiny. She sees you now as desperate and she has the upper hand. You need to be on equal footing. Let me ask you something. You have referenced countless times how much you love her and how you tell her all the time. You have never really said why you love her. You do however point out the pain she causes you. Ask yourself this question a lot - do you love the idea of what you want it to be or what it is she actually brings to your life? Don't cling to something that is toxic to you. I'm not saying that is the case - but I am saying you need to know if it is - be aware - and if so you clinging to it is going to keep you from ending up where you are meant to be. I realize this is more direct and blunt feedback, but man I see you hurting so much and trying so damn hard and you keep getting the gut punch. I just don't want you to have blinders on. Your comment about what your daughter said is telling to me. She's not feeling what you would want her to be feeling about her step mom - instead she's worried she is the problem. Don't forget to get your daughter counseling too - don't underestimate the impact this is having on her. There IS better out there for you. It may be with your wife and it may not, but you have to decide when you (and your daughter) are as much of a priority as she is and that she's making equal effort to save it. Maybe she would go see the pastor with you. I swore I would never go the divorce route, and spent 9 years miserable as a result - and it took my kids noticing all the fighting to push me to want better for them and for me. D is never good. But it may be a path to truer happiness, as you go through your own journey of self discovery. There are lots of us surviving and even thriving out here - I've never been happier than now because I completely changed my priorities, and worked every day to get to a better place - which led me to an incredible woman who truly loves me for me. You are doing so many of the right things, just be sure this is really what is right for you. Pulling hard for you to find what your are looking for......
 
I want to bump this for anyone who has been struggling. Tonight I got devastating news. Yes tonight. Look at the original post date of this thread. Tonight 14 months of absolute hurting struggles just got ended. She left me August 28 she showed back up January 7th. She wanted this to work wanted our marriage fixed. I let her back in my life and after 9 months of absolute struggle and me busting my ass to try and save our marriage tonight she said she wants a divorce and she has been seeing someone else. I'm absolutely drained I've gave it my all and I have had absolutely 0 life since she left me. I've waisted absolutely 14 months of my life to be ended by text that she wants a divorce and been seeing someone else. She told.me she was leaving by phone to.



Im in the shape I was when she left I hurt and yes I'm bawling but i know not.to.hold.it in this time. Boys I've done everything I can and it's still my fault aomehow this go around again. Im.left with no choice and had to tell her.to.go on and get me.papers I couldn't deal with her seeing someoene else. I've given it my all.since she has left. I've had 0 life none I've turned women away that has came on to me.and have stayed 150% true and faithful to her through it all and have since day I met her in 2012. I absolutely cant believe this is happening to me again over a.year.later after she showed back up wanting me.back 9 months ago

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Nothing to say to take away the pain but time. I was told a long time ago that to get to life's taller mountain peaks, you have to walk through some deep, nasty valleys along the way. We don't spend most of our time in those valleys, nor on the peaks. It will get better for you man, just keep walking.

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I'm sorry to hear that brother. Thank you for being willing to share your personal pain with us. It affords us the chance to tell you that we love you and are always here for you.

Team 7 Forever

Saddlehunter Strong
 
@Blinginpse first off I want to say I'm sorry for your struggles bud. "I want a divorce" is a phrase I have heard myself after 10 years of marriage. I spent 8-9 years of that trying to save a marriage I had screwed up from the beginning. We spent a year "separated" before I finally got to the point were I was tired of always apologizing. I finally had my ah ha moment where I realized I spent 1/3 of my life trying to gain approval and forgiveness from someone who had no intent in ever giving me that. At some point you have to do what's right for YOU. Not your wife, not your parents, not your job, but you. I know you cant see it now but you will look back at this moment and realize how freeing it is to finally move on. Never live your life based on stipulations. People that truly love you, will love you for who you are, not what you can do. Your daughter is the most important thing in your life right now.

You can also hang your hat on the fact you got over 100 random dude to stick up for someone who openly admits to shooting a PSE. :)
 
We don't know each other but I'm so sorry life has handed you all of this. Lots of good advice from caring friends here. No one wants to see someone suffer. I'm in Ohio but our Nazarene Church has a program weekly called Divorce Recovery. I'm sure someone in your area may have the same program. I certainly don't claim to know what you are going through but will pray for you and hope you can find such a program that might help you cope. Its awesome to see so many folks caring for a fellow they have never met.
 
Smokingbarrel nailed it, man. You did your best and tried for so long. It’s time to focus on yourself now, bling. It hurts like hell right now but everyday it’ll get a little better. I’ll pray for you, man.
 
I thought I was reading about my life when I read this. Literally the same thing. Separations, not wanting to give up on my end, trying again, separations, cheating on her end, and finally divorce after battling for 2 years. Her new boyfriend helped her move from our house.

Keep your head up man. Things do get better, I promise. I found that counseling helped me. Taught me that there wasn’t a thing I could do to make her stay. That part was on her and it’s a choice to be in a relationship. She chose not to, and that wasn’t my fault.

Fast forward to present and I am deeply in love and engaged to an absolutely amazing woman. I still have the scars, but I could not be happier.

Bottom line, keep pushing through. It sucks, but you will come out on top.
 
Bro, it sucks right now, but TRUST ME, in a year you'll be glad she's gone. You might even want to send her, & him, a thank you note. Also, what this guy above me said is right on.
 
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