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SH I'm reaching out for y'all

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What a tough thing to go thru. Things will get better and like said in other post, it will be for the best, you just won't see it now because your in pain. We as a family are here for you, even if it's just to talk it out.

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Get a very good divorce lawyer. I had a guy in our hunting club,he caught a guy in his bed with his wife . Long story short he lost his house and most everything he owned. He also lost custody of the kids. He said later ,she had a great lawyer that schooled her well, claiming mental abuse. He said she really turned on the tears and with a little uncontrollable wailing, it was a done deal. Be careful ,keep your head up there is a life after this . Praying for you brother.
 
Morning, same story here. Long story short, took an x back only to have her leave again after a week or so. I through myself into alcohol and drugs. (Wrong road!!) Fast forward several years I finally figured out it wasn't all my fault and started trying to take care of myself. And yes, I will get religious! I am now very happily remarried, have my first child and I owe it all to Jesus Christ. It is possible to from the bottom to happiness. But I will tell you this, you will need to make a stand and choose the right roads. That, my friend, is all on you. But don't forget, you have an army of men wishing you well and praying for you on here. Stay strong, take care of you and your daughter, and you will come out of this a great man. Praying for you!!
 
My first wife told me similar story. I left got custody of our daughter. Got back with the love of my life and high school sweetheart and built a great life.
When life throws you curve balls you pick up a bat. Come out swinging and hit a homer.


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Hang in there man- Ernie said it best “if he brings you to it, he’ll bring you through it”. Know that there is life worth living out there and that any thoughts of suicide is NEVER the way out. You WILL find happiness again. Unfortunately for some folks they get dealt a short hand on family support, but it sure looks like you have found a great support system here with all these replies. Friends are the family you pick and this group is top notch. Continue to keep the communication going and the wounds will heal. Pray for you man


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Man I feel for you the farming industry and dairy farming is a hard enough without having to deal with the issues that u have been. I know everything will work out for you for the better. I don’t know you from Adam but if you need to talk you can bend my ear even if it’s just to talk farming or hunting to get your mind off things..

I will admit I did lol about your comment above about cussing working cow’s... I’m pretty sure that’s an unwritten rule..


Keep on keeping on brother it will get better


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Aeds151 said:
Just last week I found out that we have debt I didnt know about after repaying my college loans by fighting wildland fires. A lot of CC debt. I have always tried to live within my means since then with no other debts. It sucked how I found out and my wife lied to my face when we did our weekly financial meeting. Now I have to try and pick up more 2-3 week shifts on the fireline skip hunting weekends for OT. I also will be spending the 5 figures I have been secretly saving for a down payment on our first house that I was gonna surprise her with. Looks like we will rent for another 5 years and probably have to skip having children (getting too old anyway). Moral of the story. Single life was awesome.


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Be safe brother
 
I am so sorry to hear of all of this, Blingin. You are dealing with a lot of heartache at one time. For what it’s worth, I think you are doing the right thing by talking it out, confronting your dad, and avoiding the road your mom has taken. If I may, I just wanted to pass along a couple passages from Scripture that have helped me through some tough spots:

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭4:15-16‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:32‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”
‭‭James‬ ‭1:5-6‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Blingin, I’ve never met you or talked with you before, but I sincerely want the absolute best for your life. I am confident that if you humbly turn to the Lord for strength and direction, you will be pulled up out of the pit you are in! That second passage I included above always speaks to me so deeply as it begins with “He who did not spare his own Son[...]” Man that’s how much God loves [Blingin]—God in the flesh, on a cross, to pay for our debts, to offer eternal forgiveness, security, and perhaps best of all, a real intimate relationship with Him. I don’t know about you, but nobody else has ever wanted me that much—to leave heaven and endure suffering on my behalf. Oh bless the Lord for His undeserving love and goodness! Man, walk with this God. He already sees the good He will bring about through all of this. He wants you to turn to him, and trust Him. Praying for you brother, and if you want to chat, HMU anytime! 336-951-9535
God bless,
Ethan
 
I’m being 100% serious and sympathetic when I say:
You need a man cave. And make the preacher bring the beer.
Also, I shoot a PSE Brute X and it’s f***ing dope.
 
I feel for you. Been heartbroken myself but had some good outlets to vent. Can’t recommend it more! Here is good but get out and do something physical. Farming is plenty physical, but maybe you’re used to it. For me it was brazilian jiujitsu. Here is the nice thing about it being “your fault”: you can fix it. Not by fixing this marriage but realizing your happiness does not depend on her. In time, you may be grateful that she saved you more years of pain by coming out and asking for a divorce. Therapy is good despite the stigma. The right therapist can help you break free.
 
Blacksmith said:
I'm in Ohio but our Nazarene Church has a program weekly called Divorce Recovery. I'm sure someone in your area may have the same program
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I'll second this excellent advice! While going through my divorce I found myself in a church group called Divorce Care and it was incredibly helpful on so many levels. So much so I stayed on to be a group leader for 4 semesters now and then started a chapter of Single and Parenting with one of my co-leaders from DC. Through the whole process there are so many hurts and temptations. Opportunities to reflect on and improve your life in ways unimaginable to you today as well as opportunities to steer yourself down destructive paths you never thought you'd go. You need the support of people around you that have your best interest in mind to keep you on the right path. Even my best friend (who lives in another state) was pumping me full of bad advice (he was trying to help but didn't know how) but it was the church community I was involved with and what I'd learned through the support groups that kept me more or less on the right track through the process.

Find a Group - DivorceCare

DivorceCare is a divorce recovery support group where you can find help and healing for the hurt of separation and divorce.
www.divorcecare.org www.divorcecare.org

Find a Group - Single & Parenting

Single & Parenting is a support group where you can find tips and parenting wisdom that will help you find rest, hope and encouragement.
www.singleandparenting.org www.singleandparenting.org
 
Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, lean not to thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He will direct thy path. I've been through a major struggle......I cannot stress enough for you to lean on Him. I always lean on Him now and he always carries me through. Life always seems to give us struggles every so often....He uses them to grow us in so many ways. Do not stay ...under the circumstances....let him lift up above the circumstances.
 
I'll be praying for you buddy @Blinginpse. I know this may seem crazy but look at all the guys on here that are locking arms with you in a tough time. Wow! You have a whole army of Saddle Hunters with you at your fingertips. I don't know what will happen but sounds to me like your writing your own redemption story.

“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning" (Psalm 30:5).
 
Man nobody knows how you are personally feeling in this situation but the important thing to remember is you have a daughter that needs her daddy and it sounds like you have quite the responsibility on the farm so my advice would be to concentrate on you and your daughter being happy and the rest will follow! I know it doesn't seem like it right now but if it was meant to be it will be!! I know it's gonna hurt but after this is over you will be stronger for having been through it! Hang in there buddy things will get better if you let them! Like others have said let her see you are doing fine without her and that will show you if she wants to make it work or not just give her some space and live for you and your daughter!! Good luck and if you need us we are here!!!!
 
First off I am very sorry about the turmoil with your father,working in a family business is super hard(I work with my father and grandfather for the last 26 years) it’s tough to talk to a loved one that way especially one that’s been there all your life.....secondly do your best to show your wife you are trying to make a change and maybe that will help if that doesn’t work then she may get lonely and see what she’s missibg
 
@Blinginpse Hang in there brother...I have been down and out and in the damn near same situation about 10 years ago... I stayed with my ex wife and tried to make things work after she cheated with a co worker. My real reason for doing so was because we had a young daughter at the time and I come from tight family where there were zero divorces...My pride said you cant be the first! Went through the big D and custody battle a year or so later after counseling and really trying, when she did it again, with a different co worker. It was the lowest, ugliest experience of my 41 years to date...I mean no one in my life had ever done me that dirty! But at least like me you know in your heart that you tried everything you could and that it is ultimately on her...give it to her asap and let go of that mental anguish...it will be a blessing in disguise for you. Heck, i ended up getting remarried to my first love and high school sweatheart a little over 3 years ago. She is the best Step Mother i could have ever ask for to my Daughter, who just turned 11. They are like best friends and gang up on me all the time, but i love it! She is out there for you too somewhere brother and you will find her...Just make sure she is ready to take on that role! One other thing, try not to hold animosity towards your father over any of it...You guys may have your issues but that is no reason for her to abandon a marriage. He will always be your dad no matter what and by the sounds of it he has some hurt down in there too that probably drives him ya know. Man I hope some of this can keep you struttin when your feet hang low...Will say a prayer for you and will be thinking about you...this too shall pass brother! P.S. Double Lungers are the best therapy!!!!
 
pesqimon said:
I feel for you. Been heartbroken myself but had some good outlets to vent. Can’t recommend it more! Here is good but get out and do something physical. Farming is plenty physical, but maybe you’re used to it. For me it was brazilian jiujitsu. Here is the nice thing about it being “your fault”: you can fix it. Not by fixing this marriage but realizing your happiness does not depend on her. In time, you may be grateful that she saved you more years of pain by coming out and asking for a divorce. Therapy is good despite the stigma. The right therapist can help you break free.
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Agreed on the physical exercise or even a new hobby you will struggle getting your mind to shut down...you got to have somewhere else to put that focus and energy into! I went back to running when i went through my D...lost about 20 lbs too.
 
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