Ive not gone through a divorce, but I watched my parents go through one (well my mom, since my dad left the country) and currently watching my sister in law go through one. My mom took it as an opportunity to evaluate and improve herself. She went to college, set her finances in order (budgeting) since she never got anything from my dead beat dad and I could tell her personality had changed since she was now in charge she was more assertive (normally very quiet) and independent. I think it actually turned my mom into a better person and I really respect her for what she went through, how she navigated through it and what came out the other side. My mom is really my hero and inspiration and she is one of the happiest most positive people I know.
Now my sister in law has taken the opposite path. She is rolling over and letting him (who had an affair for 2 yrs starting when she was pregnant) walk all over her. They settled on 50/50 custody because she "just wants it over with". The guy never even wanted the kid and when he has him, the kid is really at his grandmas house. Theyve been financially irresponsible their entire careers so they had to borrow the money from family to get the divorce, but yet shes talking about leasing a brand new car, when I found her a nice $4k car that needed some mechanical work which I offered to do, but "its too old and ugly". Shes insisting on staying where shes at which is surrounded by his family and just out of reasonable driving distance for any of her family to help her out with daily tasks. We are offering her financial advice and she lets her temper get the best of her and weve now all kind of thrown our hands up like well let us know when you need something I guess (shes burning bridges). We always think she has hit rock bottom as far as her attitude, decision and relationships with others, but she keeps going lower and lower.
Any who, my advice is that you can come out of this with motivation for bettering yourself and setting yourself up for success (personally, spiritually, financially), or let the weight sit on top of you. Understand that you have a long life ahead of you and its going to be tough. But from Jordan Petersons book "12 Rules for Life", which is a great read (cant recommend it enough for anyone and everyone) Im currently working on, To live happy you sacrifice immediate pleasures for future prosperity. The future prosperity is proportional to the sacrifice. Big sacrifices will have large rewards, small sacrifices will give you small rewards.
Back to my sister in law, in some sort of revenge or indulgence, she already has some rebound guy that lasted maybe a few weeks, but what I couldnt believe is that the guy looked exactly like her ex, like couldve told me it was his long lost brother. Big jacked up truck, beard, camo head to toe (no offense to anyone on here, just saying shes fishing in the same pond), all brand new fancy everything and I guess he works some no experience needed hourly (seasonal) jobs . But given her immature attitude, current lifestyle and financial decision making shes going to run right into the same situation, unless she changes herself. Someone who has their stuff together wouldnt put up with that.
Im done. I hope you see this as an opportunity for self reflection and improvement and take full advantage of it. It wont be easy, but the harder it is the better you should come out on the other side. Best of luck.
