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Why I'm extra ornery lately = Divorce

thedutchtouch

thedutchtouch

Well-Known Member
SH Member
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
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Location
Maryland
Feels strange making the post, but a few of you have reached out and I very much appreciate that so might as well tell everyone that cares to click on the title. Great community of internet strangers here, I've definitely benefitted from finding this place a few years ago, so here goes.

My wife of 13.5 years married/18 years together and I have separated and we are working through getting divorced. Relatively amicable but still hard annoying frustrating etc. I have 5 and 7 year old girls who we will share 50/50 custody and I'm trying to keep our falling apart house to keep them in the same school/friend groups, my wife moved out to an apartment just after Christmas and is soon to get all of our money lol. My kids are my world and it crushes me to do this to them but I know the future will be better than their life with arguing parents was, the short term just sucks hard.

I don't need any special favors or treatment, just wanted to give a bit more explanation for why I've been more of an irritable jerk lately than my usual baseline (not acting like it's a 0 during "normal" times either).

So yeah, life is hard at the moment, but everyone has their own struggles. I look forward to happiness and all the opportunity that getting out of a somewhat toxic relationship will bring. Sorry that I'm a bit of a snowflake at times and a pitbull at others. I am trying to be more aware and working on being happy by myself. Thanks for reading this.
 
I went down that road 7 yrs ago, gave it everything I had to hold the family together but didn't work out. It's tough at first but gets better
 
elk yinzer said:
Tough man, good luck. Haven't been through it myself but seen a few up close. Get a good attorney, keep your mouth shut and eyes on the road, don't fall into any traps, and try to settle out of court if your counsel recommends it.
Click to expand...
Actually on this point, from my experience, work out as much as possible, even if you have to concede a little more. The less BOTH of you can leave lawyers out the better BOTH parties will be.

Any time lawyers get involved, both his and her lawyers, start playing you guys against one another. When all the money is spent and both parties come back down to earth from all the things they thought their lawyer would destroy the other person over and didn't happen, then it goes in front of a judge who simply signs the paper. Both of you are just left with a huge lawyer bill.

If your state is like VA and has a set formula for calculating child support, then no lawyer or judge can change that.
 
Sorry to hear that man. Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up over it and keep looking forward.
 
I spent most of my younger years single. People always said, your such a nice guy, why don’t you have a girlfriend. My answer was always, “Because I’d rather be unhappy by myself than MISERABLE with somebody else!”
Stay strong and good luck.
 
Thank you all, another good reminder that I'm not special, so don't need to be so scared of having a normal life thing happen. @neonomad thank you that was friggin hilarious and exactly what I needed. My dad put it in a "paying to get out of a bad situation" way when I was feeling sorry for myself financially, I then found this scene from a Bronx tale (not sure if I've seen the movie)
 
There will be ups and downs. Keep your head up and stay positive for your daughters. At the end of it all, they are the ones who are going to be the most effected by this. If you ever need someone to vent to, I know a guy
 
So sorry man. Some words I’ve heard recently that are challenging, but I think are very helpful…”If it’s to be, it’s up to me.” A lot of folks in this situation point the finger at others, something I don’t hear you doing, so kudos for that. But I think it’s a great time to seek God, get counseling (even if it’s just for yourself) and dive in to self-development books/podcasts. Also, leaning into the grief that comes from something huge like this is a good thing. Do it in the right timing for you, but a lot of people just avoid it and that’s just not healthy. You reaching out on here to disclose what’s going on is pretty healthy if you ask me. If you ever need anything PM me on here…happy to shoot you my number and be a listening ear if you just need to unload.
 
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