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Dad jokes
- Thread starter Jay_Disarray
- Start date
Mushroom walks into a bar. Bartender says "Hey, we don't serve your kind". Mushroom says "why not? I'm a funguy!
mjsmitty2
Member
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
Sent from my SM-G996U using Tapatalk
A stick.
Sent from my SM-G996U using Tapatalk
Marmuzz
Well-Known Member
What’s blue and not very heavy?
Light blue, duh.
Light blue, duh.
What do u call cheese that doesn't belong to u?
Nacho cheese
Nacho cheese
Petrichor
Well-Known Member
My god….. here I am giggling in the saddle. Never gonna kill a deer now.
Best said out loud:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2018
- Messages
- 1,791
Know why you shouldn't buy new shoes from the neighborhood drug dealer?
You never know what he LACED the shoes up with and it will have you TRIPPING all day.
What do you call a skeleton in a closet...hide and seek winner.
Who does superman call when his cape is full of wrinkles? Ironman.
It was a tragic fire at the shoe factory. We lost 10,000 soles.
Is there a hole in your sure? Then how did you get your foot in it?
Who invented the round table? Sir Comference
I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. The bee keeper counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra bee." Bee keeper said, That's a freebie."
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that WOODwork. I think I NAILED it, but nobody SAW it.
What happened when the cannibals ate the missionary's? They got a taste of religion.
I've got thousands more as I write them down when I hear them.
You never know what he LACED the shoes up with and it will have you TRIPPING all day.
What do you call a skeleton in a closet...hide and seek winner.
Who does superman call when his cape is full of wrinkles? Ironman.
It was a tragic fire at the shoe factory. We lost 10,000 soles.
Is there a hole in your sure? Then how did you get your foot in it?
Who invented the round table? Sir Comference
I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. The bee keeper counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra bee." Bee keeper said, That's a freebie."
Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights make an airplane.
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that WOODwork. I think I NAILED it, but nobody SAW it.
What happened when the cannibals ate the missionary's? They got a taste of religion.
I've got thousands more as I write them down when I hear them.
Hamburger walks into a bar, sits down, orders a pizza, the bartender says "we don't serve food here!"
Horse walks into a bar, bartender says " why the long face?"
Termite walks into a bar and says, "is the bartender here?"
String walks into a bar, bartender throws him out saying "we don't serve your kind here", a few minutes later, string walks back into the bar, bartender says "no strings! Get out!" String walks out, lays down in the street and starts thrashing about, tangles himself up, starts to come apart... Then hops up and walks back into the bar. Bartender says " hey aren't you that string I just kicked outta here?" String replies "I'm a frayed knot."
Horse walks into a bar, bartender says " why the long face?"
Termite walks into a bar and says, "is the bartender here?"
String walks into a bar, bartender throws him out saying "we don't serve your kind here", a few minutes later, string walks back into the bar, bartender says "no strings! Get out!" String walks out, lays down in the street and starts thrashing about, tangles himself up, starts to come apart... Then hops up and walks back into the bar. Bartender says " hey aren't you that string I just kicked outta here?" String replies "I'm a frayed knot."
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 ate 9
MNFarmHunter
Well-Known Member
Not so much of a joke but when my kids were younger, I use to tell stories.
If too cold: Francois Jacket
If runny nose: Madame Tina Tissue
etc.
If too cold: Francois Jacket
If runny nose: Madame Tina Tissue
etc.
I like physical humor with my kids....hey bud, did u know if ur hand is a big as ur face ur probably a genius.....puts hand in front of face....smash his hand into his face....everyone laugh
Bet them a dollar they can't lick their own elbow
DB4x4
Well-Known Member
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2018
- Messages
- 1,870
A local newspaper recently interviewed an 80 year old woman who had just gotten married for the 4th time. The reporter asked for more details about her love life.
She was first married at age 20 to a rich banker. After he died, she met a man who was the ring leader in a traveling circus and was married again at age 40.
Sadly, he also died soon after, and she turned to religion to deal with her depression. She hit it off with the pastor of the local church and was eventually married again at age 60.
When her 3rd husband passed away, the lonely owner of the funeral home asked her out on a date. This led to her once again getting married at the age of 80.
When asked about the strange array of careers her husbands had, she simply replied...
... One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go...
She was first married at age 20 to a rich banker. After he died, she met a man who was the ring leader in a traveling circus and was married again at age 40.
Sadly, he also died soon after, and she turned to religion to deal with her depression. She hit it off with the pastor of the local church and was eventually married again at age 60.
When her 3rd husband passed away, the lonely owner of the funeral home asked her out on a date. This led to her once again getting married at the age of 80.
When asked about the strange array of careers her husbands had, she simply replied...
... One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go...
My wife says I should do lunges to stay in shape.... that would be a big step forward.
Son: how deep is that pond?
Dad: chest deep to that duck.
I though the dryer was shrinking my clothes...... Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet..... I don't know "Y"
I got carded the other day at the liquor store, when I opened my wallet my Blockbuster card fell out. The cashier said never mind.
Son: how deep is that pond?
Dad: chest deep to that duck.
I though the dryer was shrinking my clothes...... Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet..... I don't know "Y"
I got carded the other day at the liquor store, when I opened my wallet my Blockbuster card fell out. The cashier said never mind.
ya got me. good job
- Joined
- Oct 26, 2020
- Messages
- 504
I am a saddle hunter and a safe one too boot. I check my platform before ever climb to make sure it is in working order... I like to stay on top of it.