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Jokes and Memes - NO POLITICS

Ok, I can't not tell this story.

I enlisted, went to Parris Island, MCT at Lejeune, and then out to 29 Stumps for MOS school (on the enlisted side, I was a tech). Well, anyone who's ever been in 29 Palms for any length of time knows that the best thing to do there is go somewhere else, so on every chance I got I'd hop a flight back to NYC for a 96, or even a '72. So eventually, our basic course ends and we've got a month or something before our next course, so I'm on the phone with recruiters back home vying for a "Recruiter's Assistant" slot. Finally, I get a Staff Sergeant up on 125th St and Lennox who would let me be his phone guy for two weeks: success!

Anyway, one day this guy comes in, and he's with his mom. The actual recruiter isn't there, so I start asking him all the basic questions: any serious physical problems? How many pullups can you do? Etc. Finally I get to the, "can you pass a drug test question?" and the guy starts hmm'ing and haw'ing, and he says, "well...I've smoked a little weed before." "Ok, when was the last time?" "Oh, um...let me think. Hmm, it was, uh...uh...I think...hmm...maybe...Uh....last night?" Dang dude. "Well, uh, ok...if you enlist in the Marines you can't smoke weed." "But my girl was there!" "Still. Anyway....I need you to take this test...."

Now, we had some computerized ASVAB-light test we could give to prospective enlistees; it wasn't the official ASVAB, but would get you a sense of where they were sitting for the real one. It was a little multiple choice thing on an ancient PC in a corner; it was also kind of automated in that you only had however long to answer each question. If you didn't answer in whatever time it gave you (a minute per question or something) it just went on to the next question. Whenever that happened it'd beep.

Anyway, the kid sits down and starts taking the test and keeps saying, "can I have more time?" for approximately every question, and I kept telling him, "that's just how the program works; I can't change it." Anyway, eventually he finishes, and I look at his score and this cat got, I swear, a 4. Not 40, not 14, but 4. *Four*.

His mom then comes in and starts talking to me, telling me how proud she is that her son came in to talk to the recruiter, but she has a question...If you have a disease, but it doesn't really affect you, can you still join? So I ask her, "Well, I don't know...what kind of disease?" "Just something that doesn't really affect you. You know, like ... HIV?" "Uh, no lady, you can't join the Marines if you're HIV+. Sorry." At this point, the kid is literally crying in the recruiting office.

Anyway, they finally leave and Staff Sergeant comes back and I tell him what happened. "Did he leave an info card?" "Yes, Staff Sergeant." "Go get it." "Aye, Staff Sergeant." I get it and hand it to him. He looks me in the eye, rips it in half, and tosses it into the garbage can and goes back to eating his lunch.

It was definitely the weirdest interaction I had on recruiter's assistance.
That does not surprised me at all....heck the people that MADE it into basic training are not the pick of the litters either. I was pretty sheltered l realized, l watch a lot of TV and there are moronic characters but in your mind you think 'no one can be that stupid'. I was very wrong. Very very wrong. I would bet good money that one guy was high the entire 9 weeks....or he talk like it permanently because he has been high for so long. And 2 different couples got engaged....ENGAGED! How the heck you find the time to fall in love during freaking BCT? One actually left their current fiance!

Ohhhh the worse was 2 guys were kick back to day 1 of training because they got caught climbing down to the girls dormitory the DAY BEFORE WE GRADUATE!!
 
That does not surprised me at all....heck the people that MADE it into basic training are not the pick of the litters either. I was pretty sheltered l realized, l watch a lot of TV and there are moronic characters but in your mind you think 'no one can be that stupid'. I was very wrong. Very very wrong. I would bet good money that one guy was high the entire 9 weeks....or he talk like it permanently because he has been high for so long. And 2 different couples got engaged....ENGAGED! How the heck you find the time to fall in love during freaking BCT? One actually left their current fiance!

Ohhhh the worse was 2 guys were kick back to day 1 of training because they got caught climbing down to the girls dormitory the DAY BEFORE WE GRADUATE!!

LOL. Sounds like the officer side. We had a kid in my platoon at OCS get dropped two days before graduation (and he was a prior, too!). A female candidate got dropped a few days before graduation when she was asked who she wanted for her first salute: "my fiance." "Wait a sec; did we not explain fraternization to you?!" Two Lieutenants got relieved when I was at TBS for doin' the nasty in a fighting hole on a FEX: both were married, just not to each other. Also, we'd been in the field for 4 days or something at that point, which is just disgusting.

In boot camp we had a kid sneak over to 4th Bn one night to meet up with some girl he met at chapel. Fire watch ratted him out; kid was dumb as a post so I thought he was toast, but the DI tried to do the whole, "where were you last night, recruit?" thing and the kid said, "I went outside to puke!" "Why didn't you go into the head?" "I just went outside to puke!" "Why did you change your cammies?" "I was just trying them on!" "Ok, show me the puke." The kid led the DI outside and behind the barracks and we're all on line standing at attention listening through the windows waiting for the hammer drop and we hear, "it was right here, sir!" "Where. I don't see any puke, recruit." "Right here! An animal must have eaten it!" Surely this kid is busted, right? But apparently they couldn't make it stick; he got the stinky pinky and still graduated with us. To this day I still don't understand that one. Talk about the prisoner's dilemma....
 
Just gonna drop this here
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